If I Had a Boy

If I had a boy
I would infuse love
So he would know
So he would know

If I had a boy
I would weave hugs
In his being
For his being

If I had a boy
I would grow respect
In his soil
For his garden

If I had a boy
I would extract his tears
From his beautiful eyes
And inject them into mine
So he could see
What he has to see

If I had a boy
I would extract my tears
From my weary eyes
And inject them into his
So he couldn’t see
So he could see

If I had a boy
I would sing eternal lullabies for him
with his voice-
upon his insistence.
To carry me
To carry him


If I had a boy
I would wake him up
Every second of every minute of every day
Of his existence
To be a boy
The best he knows how

Somehow they pass, the seconds - folding yet another day and tucking it into night. lying inside it, in the dark, aching to undo it's neat folded corners, so it can come out, with the sun, and create chaos, anew.

It's raining again. I love it when it rains. Above all else, when I die, I want to thank God for rain.

There are a few souls I love. Some people I like. Tons of sub-humans I hate.

long time no blog. ironically cuz i've been happy. ironically it turns out apparently i wasnt as happy as i thought. So, welcome misery. Welcome new blogging post.
Am I going to boo-hoo sniffle sniffle my way through 3 dead boring paragraphs? No. (I swear I can hear ur sigh of relief:)
What I am gonna do- cuz its my blog and I can do what i want in it- is say what a fucking shame it is when someone cant keep it together and have enough self-restraint for the sake of something that was so obviously not an everyday occurrence.
I have nothing else to say right now.

Ain't NO label going on THIS forehead!

Evoking

Kamilla, come to the surface.

You are either a saint or a slut. There’s no middle ground. Middle ground meaning a normal human existence. That is not tolerated. Not accepted by those who are accepted, who practice the accepted way of doing things. Behaviour that cannot be labeled is just not acceptable. Accept it.
I accept jackshit. (unacceptable language- whatever shall I do with myself?!)

You couldn't care less.
So entangled in yourself.
I happen to need you now.

Where's the sense in that?

I don't wanna write anything, and I wanna write till I can't feel my fingers anymore. The chaotic state of inside is raging and rioting. Inside, sometimes there's a dance, sometimes there's rain, and sometimes there's a raindance.
I'm exhausted. Inside.

I would really like to continue some kind of existence after I die. There are so many things I want to do. We'll see.

I like being true to myself-and what I feel. I don't have to pretend anymore-at least not to myself. I love acting up there, hate pretending down here.

Its funny how I'm more loyal to the ring that is not a ring-than to that which physically burdened my finger at some point in time.

to be there
in entirety
i must first
Be
in entirety

خايفة
فشخ

If nothing else, i was introduced to Puscifer:)
I hate that ppl think im too "cute" to listen to tht
im not gonna fucking explain myself to anyone-i like it-deal w/it
im so happy he doesnt read this shit

What would you have me say today? That I love you more than life? That I think of you with every spare unemployed gray braincell I have? That I can't imagine myself lying beside any other body than yours?

well I won't.

مبروك عالأرض

جزمة
أنا جزمة
جزمة فى مخى
قديمة

جزمة
أنا باخد بالجزمة
جزمة سيد سيدى
الغالية

جزمة
أنا بترمى زى الجزمة
عالجزمة القديمة
وإقلب

جزمة
أنا اشتريت جزمة
جزمة مانولو بلانيك
بتوجع

جزمة
أنا صلحت جزمة
جزمة جدتى
ولمعتها

العقد

مش هعقدها
هى متعقدة كفاية خلقة
هقلع النظاره الورديه
والسوده كمان
عشان أشوف
وأعيش