i realized something yesterday. not happy with it. will probably never have the balls to do it. but hey! at least im aware of it now. at least now i know what should be done...and never do it. Yay me.
when there is a man in my life, i become a clear case of arrested development. The minute im manless (i was actually going to say the minute my life is empty-which so proves that this is NEVER going to go beyond an enlightening theory for me)...i develop opinions, creativity flows, i blossom and branch out into so many wonderful new directions.
Do i blame the man? Wish i cud-but no. Im sick and tired of women always blaming men for everything. Take some responsibility, we've just become so comfortable with the "its the man's fault" excuse that its such a hassle to get off our asses and actually do something instead of all the boo-hooing.
so its my fault. 100%. I have an automated switch in my head:man out of life:"ON", man in life: "OFF". When im with a man, i feel obliged to sculpture myself to his liking and preferences. Not at all in a deceitful way-its more of an accommodating ritual...honoured by our damn society.
Does this mean its either manless or spineless? At the beginning of this post, that's what i thought..but on second thought...hell no! I will find a way to be me as fully as achingly possible AND as accommodating as womanly possible to my man (simply because i love it). I will have both the man and the spine please, thank you.
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The thing that you have to keep in mind dear, is that -and I'm gonna get corny for a second- we're like jigsaw puzzles. From far away we have complementary cut outs which make the two seem compatible. Yet, when you try to match them there are always pieces that are in the way.. and out of fondness or neediness (whichever it is), it has become clear that compromises have to be made in order to match the two pieces. Unfortunately, the moment we decide to chip away at ourselves is the moment we slowly lose our well being. We start to slowly lose our voice. We slowly feel overshadowed or even insecure. At which point we question ourselves if there is a something that could be done to save what we've unknowingly done. All our attention and focus is then drawn into saving the fleeting sand-grains from the palm of our hands, that is the relationship.
So, where in all this would blossoming occur? Some learn to not repeat it, others learn but do not learn how not to repeat it, and lastly.. the rest, have no idea. You see, it is not about men as much as about your counterpart.. Unfortunately, in this society, most of the ones going through that are the women. But in the end it's all about knowing which compromises are allowed without chipping away at yourself.
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